It's the middle of winter, and I've spent the day outside tanning under clear blue skies, you've gotta love Cape Town!
Hopefully I won't look like Snow White by the time I get to England :D

I really like sunshine, but I also really like rain, and I've never understood how one's mood can be so affected my the weather. What does it matter whether it's Summer or Winter?! JUST BE FREAKING H A P P Y !
I've tried sharing this philosophy with my stepdad... and he refuses to take it.
"It's raining, oh well, might as well get used to it, it's gonna be like this in England all year long, cold and wet and miserable. Eurgh."

Who cares!? Life goes on regardless of the temperature, so just make the best of it. I love dancing in sunshine, I love dancing in rain, I love trotting through puddles, and watching clouds roll across a bright blue sky. I don't care whether it's hot or cold or overcast or sunny.

just be A L I V E because you'll be dead sooner than you think.

(Also, the Dykeenies are finishing off their second album in London at the moment, it's going to be so GOOD!!)

Confusion.

Right now, I genuinely have no idea how I feel - about anything. I'm leaving SA (forever?) and moving to England in less than a month, and going to school for the first time since May last year in two months, and I dunno how I feel about it all. Sad, anxious, excited? I really don't know. And I don't know how I feel about people either. Friends. Not friends. Less than friends. More than friends. Complete strangers. In the song Rosa wrote about me, they say "I'd rather be confused than to feel nothing at all, have a mixture of emotions enfused into a ball' - well, I suppose it's better than feeling nothing at all... But I sort of feel that I don't feel anything because all my feelings are so muddled. Eurgh.

A fairytale usually involves prince charming saving a damsel in distress from some peril or other, and then living happily ever after. The great thing about fairytales, is that the bad stuff never exists at the end of them. There is never evil lurking, or any kind of danger, no heartache or sadness, longing or regret. In fairytales, the end is always perfect. Beautiful people deeply in love, and lots of happiness that goes on forever and ever.
We often say that we want out lives to be like a fairytale, that we want the happily ever after ending, but the truth is, we know it can never happen. In the real world it can never exist. There are too many lurking dangers, monsters in various forms and evil intentions. But just because we can't have a fairytale of our own, it doesn't mean we can't be part of one.

"Clean up your eyes, and I'll dance alone with you in daylight
Your skin reminds me of sleeping on clouds in my mind"

Could there be a more perfect setting for a fairytale than that? Probably not. The reason being, those words aren't spoken, but sung. There is something so exceptionally wonderful about music, it allows one to exit reality and become ensconsed in a fairytale.

It's one of the reasons I love music so greatly, because it is the only thing in the world that can let you into a fairytale, and make you forget every other thought in your head.
(I suppose drug trips give one a similar effect, they allow you to feel as though you're drifting off and make your head spin, and more often than not will leave you with a feeling of euphoria. But drug trips can go horribly wrong, and make people feel as if they're going insane.)
Music doesn't do that. It just plays. Even the verb associated with music, play, is lovely. Everyone wants to play, because it's carefree and joyful.

There is a beauty in songs, that I personally think is unlike any other, and that is, as much as we love the fairytale hidden within the lyrics and the notes, we know it'll never come true. Am I overly cynical in saying so? Perhaps, but for me it's part of the magic. Because, if we're honest, we don't want fairytales to come true. We do definitely want to live happily ever after, but we don't want to live happily ever after as the princess with her chivalrous knight in shining armour on a white stallion. If that really happened, it wouldn't be half as much fun. And as I've said before, there's too much bad in the world, and there always will be, for a fairytale to become a reality.

Music is perfect. And music will always let us into a fairytale, no matter how sad/angry/strange the song may be. These aren't fairytales full of romance, they're darker, moodier, but fairytales nonetheless.

I will always be in awe of music's ability to give us a glipmse of the other side, the fairytale, and make us immeasurably filled with emotion and magic for the time we listen to it, but we'll always come back to reality. I love it. I love that music can do that. I love that I can partake in a fairytale because I can't have my own. I don't want my own. I just want music.

Ahh, cyber culture is taking over my life. Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, Livejournal, Red Bubble, Last.FM... JDSHLIKSJDF! I cannae keep up!!!!

I'm thinking of writing a book (yes, another one), but this time it won't be like Dave Sells, it'll be more serious, a novel. Hmm, so I really want to give away the plot, or should I protect it and keep it hidden in case someone decides it's a good idea and steals it? Well, I doubt it's original, so I'll just give it away. Now, keep in mind this idea came to me at about 4am, after watching The Shining, listening to Joy Division and eating porridge at 1am; it'd be about a person who is insane, though I'm not entirely sure in what way. Perhaps multiple personalities, yes, it's been done a thousand times before, but it's something I can work with, something I can relate to in some way. So, basically, it'd be this person telling you their story, and everything would be seen from their perspective. It'd involve lots of nice long and very confusing mind trips, but you'd also see that this person has large bouts of sanity, and very definite ideas about the world and its state at the moment. I'm not entirely sure what the conclusion would be..probably not suicide, that really is overdone, and I think it asserts to a stereotype I disagree with. People generally seem to think that insane people aren't sane, but I beg to differ. God, that last statement made SO much sense, didn't it? Haha, oh well. I think people don't understand enough about themselves to try to understand others, so just leave them be. Why is it people who hear voices or whatever always have to be dangerous and suicidal? WHY?! So yeah, that's the plot for a new novel. You like??

And, Look See Proof have released their new EP, so far I'm having a mixed reaction...but more on that later!

i think i'm going to delete a great many posts soon... i seem to have rambled a great deal about quite emo things lol

I haven't posted anything interesting in a while (possibly ever?)... my life isn't super interesting at the moment, but there are a few cool/sad/depressing/strange/amazing/boring things that have happened recently:

I went to resit Maths yesterday, only to find out I'd gone to the wrong venue (because I was never informed of the right one), and I had no way of getting to the exam on time, then I found out the exam actually took place on Wednesday, but even if I'd known that, I'd have gone to the wrong place anyway. So, basically, I've just wasted the past 9 months or whatever studying maths. Pure joy.

Moving on. Rosalita wrote a song about me.....let me repeat that,

ROSALITA wrote a SONG about ME!

AHhhhhhhhhhhh! I was soooo happy. I was talking to Kris on MSN about my stories, when he says 'can I write a song about you? and your stories and stuff?' I was just like :O :O :OOOO
He asked me after reading only one story (part 13). They recorded a rough demo on Thursday, which they sent to me, and when I heard it, aaaaaaaaaaah. The lyrics are amazing, I really love Kris' approach to it, and he told he he'd been quite worried about what I'd think of them, but they are honestly wonderful. Brianism is in it!!!!!! ("I must confess that I am a Brianist, and I believe in...NOTHING!") haha
They end/second half of the song is probably my favourite bit, it goes :

"i wanna be in your story
[you're the kind of girl]
i wanna see what you see
[that gets me, that gets me]
i wanna be cast as the lead role
[you're the kind of girl]
in all of your dreams
[that gets me, that gets me]
i wanna get in your head
[you're the kind of girl]
i wanna live in your mind
[that gets me, that gets me]
be a part of your imagination
[you're the kind of girl]
than to exist in these times
[that gets me, that gets me]"

:DDDDDD

Even better, Kris asked if he can write more songs about me cos the lyrics for this one came really easily. Seriously, Rosalita are some of the loveliest guys ever.

And Brian liked the story too, and the fact that he's in the song ha.

In other news, winter is certainly here, it's pooouring down with rain, and my roof leaks like hell. A few days ago it leaked...all over my picture of Brian, it took me ages to salvage it, but I did. Even though drawing on paint is almost impossible, I think that's one of my favourite pictures :D

Hmm, what other news is there? Not much really, now that I'm not doing maths, I can work on my epic drawing of Murray, fun timessss!

Right, I'm away to stalk bands ;)

"I don't have time to stress about everything"

well it's not like I do either, y'know.

and you're pretty much the reason we're in this fuck up, since you choose to ignore everything, and you let an idiot 'deal' with it all.

I'm 17, i shouldn't have to deal with all of this. JDHSGOIWRHOFIVS HLKFCAHVDOUYDPIWFHVDS SDOIVIEHDFAVBDLKIVXCHO adhfafbdklSFVDBZZFhIHLIHILHEIOWFEIO3RYEISVFXCB NCFFIEW8GHB

i have no idea what to do to my painting!

As she sticks in the needle,
Death seeps through her veins
Whats she's doing is illegal
But its stopping her pain

The church bells toll as she enters the ground,
The people around me are screaming out loud,
I'm only a baby, still too young to understand
That it could have been worse, but it always can.

Eight years pass, disease led to death,
Grandmother exhaled her final breath.
Mom wanted to give up, I told her to fight,
Remember it could have been worse, and I was right

Before Gran's warm ashes had hit the water,
Aunt had robbed the other daughter,
Mom didn't know what to do with an empty purse,
I reminded her it could have been worse.

Three years on, I'm twelve years old,
Fully aware of the tragedy about to unfold.
She can't go on, I know full well
And now she leaves to Heaven or to Hell
She told me as I watched in dismay
That she was going to her eternal Spring day.
I wondered how could it get any worse?
But, of course, it always can.

Eleven months later, my guardian goes,
Whether he suffered, nobody knows
Heart failure driving over a bridge, he crashed
But the riverbed was dry, there was no splash.
I dreadfully missed the dear old man,
But knew at once that it could have been worse,
It always can.

Two years pass, then I'm kicked out of a country,
What could be worse?
I look to the horizon and see an approaching hearse.
Father is dead, and my heart breaks,
Not for him, but for those he made suffer that it aches.
I'm sure it could have been worse though,
It always can.

If you feel pity for me, that's not the plan,
Remember it could have been worse,
It always can.

There are three things that I have always needed to survive: air, music, and art, and, to be honest, I could probably get by without the air.

Art and music go hand in hand. When I hear music, I see colours, when I see colours, I hear music. None of my friends are nearly as passionate about art and music, as I am, which upsets me. I feel as though they're missing a vital part of their lives, the part full of real emotion and raw life. They all tell me that I shouldn't get so into art and music, because they're not real; but within all the colour and the lyrics is the most untainted reality I've ever known.  I feel as though it's they're the one's in an unreal world - the partying, the drinking - and I just wish I could make them see my point of view.

My friends are all party animals. Their first thought on Monday is 'what parties are happening this weekend?'. Once they've answered this question, they spend the rest of the week planning what they're going to wear, where they're going to get booze money, and where they're going to crash. They discuss parties and clubs in class, spend breaktime talking about celebrities, and when they go home they tell their parents how much they hate them for not allowing them to get that hip piercing. Ask them what job they want, and they'll say 'whatever pays well',

To me, there is something seriously wrong with all of them. They all hate school. Why? None of them have any ambition, other than making money and getting wasted. Why? I understand that school isn't the most fun a kid could have, but you spend they best part of a day there for twelve years, you may as well enjoy it. Or try to, at least. Personally, I do like school. I enjoy learning. I love literature and history and languages, they fascinate me. But none of my friends are interested.

They just want to get wasted. Need I say more? Look up the word 'wasted' in any dictionary or thesaurus, and all you'll find are negative meanings. Why would anyone want to get wasted? You go out, and drink as much as you can get your hands on. You drink until you start feeling fuzzy. You continue. You drink until you can no longer see. You continue. You drink until you fall over and can't pick yourself up off the floor. You continue. You go on and on, knowing that in a few hours time you're going to be retching into a toilet, or vomiting down yourself, and that pretty dress you're wearing. You'll spend the rest several hours in extreme pain, not wanting to move, and hoping the pain will fade.
I love my friends dearly, but when they do this, which they do every weekend without fail, I can't help but think them a bunch of complete fucking idiots.
I have nothing against going out and drinking, but not to the point where you give yourself alcohol poisoning. Everyone knows their own limits, why not just stick to them? Why not just go out and have three drinks instead of fifteen, so that when you wake up the following morning, you don't feel as though a wrecking ball is smashing into your skull as you try to remember the night before, but rather laugh softly as you remember dancing in the rain with no shoes on.
Perhaps I have a strong view about this because both my parents were alcoholics, perhaps I'm worried my friends will end up like they did, but I don't see how that's a bad thing.
My friends live in a nightmare, not a fantasy. They don't remember anything about the parties they've been to, they have memories of a god awful hangover stuck in their heads. They tell me I'm stupid for not joining them, and that music is going to mess up my head. I really don't get it.

Nothing could make my head any more messed up than it already is, and just how would music do this? When I listen to music, I get so much out of it. There is so much real emotion in music, it's one of the most heartfelt forms of expression in the world. Whether a word has songs or not, it's still full of feeling. Instruments convey emotions in a way unlike anything else. And lyrics! Ahh, I have a real love of words, and words put to a melody are amazing. In the music I listen to, there are few few really good lyricists, but, no matter what song you listen to, be it Led Zeppelin or Miley Cyrus, their lyrics mean something to someone. I try not to down lyrics too much because sometimes it really is hard to put something into words.
However, I'm lucky enough to have discovered some of the most talented songwriters of this age. They're people who sing songs, and fill my head with reality. This might be what my friends don't like - I get upset when I hear a complete stranger singing about a situation that doesn't relate to me at all. But, the fact that it's sung makes it relate. The point of lyrics is to share a thought or viewpoint, or emotion.
There is also the voice of the singer. I know I shouldn't generalise, but, in general: I don't like female singers, American singers aren't ususally great, English singers are lovely, and (at the moment) Scottish singers are fucking fantastic.

In 'The Picture of Dorian Gray', Oscar Wilde wrote:
"Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things are corrupt without being charming. This is a fault.
Those who find beautiful meanings in beautiful things are the cultivated. For these there is hope.
They are the elect to whom beautiful things mean only Beauty."

I ask you to read the following lyrics, and just try to see the beauty in them. Don't think them cliche, or badly worded. Think of what Wilde said.

"still, i adore the taste of rain
and the bounce of bone on ground
it reminds me

make a wish tonight
all the stars are out
its out of your hands but not out of reach"

-Stitches, The Dykeenies

"So morning sky like silver ribbons
Falls through the boughs of dewy trees,
Whilst the sound of school-bound children
Carries gently on the breeze.
Waltzing feet, endlessly.

But that vestal light is now woven
Only in the books we read.
Where the happy sounds forgotten
By our selective memories
Are singing sweet, sweet and free."

-Cair Paravel, Kristoffer Morgan

"and now we're all going again
all the ingredients are in hand
so go grab all your lovers and friends
because this season's made for beautiful sounds
i'll meet you at the junction at 8
and then we'll get the bus to your house
and i know that you'll be 10 minutes late
but it is worth the waiting around

the summer was ecstasy
and now it's all coming back to me"

-Swirls, Guildean Gang



I'm hoping those lyrics inspired you, even if only in the littlest way, because they're hugely inspiring to me.

It's lyrics like those which inspire my art, because lyrics like those make me smile, and make my spirit soar, and open up my mind, releasing my thoughts  and allowing me to express myself.

Dorian Gray is one of the best books ever written, and I could quote the whole thing and write about it, because there is so much to say about it. But I won't quote the whole thing, just the really important bits:
"No artist desires to prove anything. Even things that are true can be proved.

The only excuse for making a useless thing is that one admires it intensely.
All art is quite useless."

If you're still reading this, you must think my completely mad, in which case you are right. You must also wonder what my point is.. I'm getting there.

Art is a form of expression unlike any other. You can replicate an image before you, or create something from your own imagination. But whatever you make, it will be something which is completely your own. It doesn't matter if you are painting the same picture as a thousand other people, no one else will express it in the same way you do, because no one else can. The thing about art is that it is so personal, so entirely unique to the artist, it is who they really are.
If I tried to explain my art to you, I couldn't. It's just something that nobody else could ever understand, and that's why I love it.

I've come across very few people who share my views on art and music. Many people still think if you don't want to get inebriated, and would rather listen to music 24/7 and always have paint on your clothes, you clearly belong in a padded cell.
But, there are a few who understand that the only reason art and music are fantastical, isn't because they are a fantasy, but because they are fantastic.

Art and music are two of the most real things in this world - full of emotion, full of thought, full of life.

I think I've said enough, and hopefully I've left you with something to think about.

Last night I got this:

hey,

just wanted to say that your art is really fucking special...i studied art for a long time and im really impressed by your stuff...im gonna start putting my own up soon. if you have anything you want showcased or advertised of your own at any stage let me know and i will help in any way that i can.

B r i a n

x


Brian of The Dykeenies (such a great band! Their new single's awesome). It was so nice that someone took an interest in my art, really put a smile on my face! I'm definitely going to take him up on his offer :D

Anyway, apart from that, my stepfather says I have heat exhaustion so I can't go out in the sun ¬¬
He's also trying to get me to drink like 20 glasses of water a day, not fun.

So yeah, now Im going to try and tidy up my room - there is art EVERYWHERE..........

are filling me with music. I hate tha I never got obssessed with them before now, but I'm so happy that I have. They really are fucking AMAZING!

I have a hell of a lot that I want to say, I just don't know how to word it, so, for the moment, I won't.

I'll just note what's been happening recently:

• my EP arrived from Kristoffer!
• I listened to the EP and realised that I have never listened to his music properly.
• I advise anyone who is going to listen to Mr Morgan to listen! He's a (big) bit of a genius.
• I dreamt about an imaginary band called 'mr will tucker and the polar ice club'
• googled 'mr will tucker and the polar ice club' and found out is actually is a band.
• found out the afore mentioned band with long, looong name is rather good.
• watched Der Untergang
• thought about ww2
• a lot

Sometimes boys tell you too much.

Don't you hear a line in a song which makes your head spin with inspiration?!

:D

Are so goood!

www.myspace.com/mediacircusuk

They're like going on a drug trip, a good one =]